Without Fear of Death or Blindness

I haven’t written much these past few days. Most of my energy is poured into writing for my class. Even that is slow. Too slow. I have still been reading, keeping up with current events, as well as scholarship. That much should be evident. I guess you could ask me what I think about the events of late. That’s all anyone seems to care about. The assassination of Haiti’s president came as a shock to me. I had just gotten home from sailing, and there was a noise in my kitchen, it sounded like a gunshot. Right after that, I read the news.

It has been difficult for me to think lately. I’m all twisted up inside. The days break, one after another, after another. There’s little time for philosophy, let alone economics. I think this time it’s easier to rest. There will be days where I can write a few paragraphs, and days where I write none. When I’m finished with my essay on the Wadsworth Atheneum, I may post it here. It’s going to be a good essay. I can feel it.

My writing focuses on too much emotion, I’m thinking softly, wishing that there were more facts. It’s easy to write academically when you have a prompt but now there just isn’t one here for me to ponder. I reached out to a college department, a philosophy department, asking about their PhD program. I went out on a limb, letting them know about my illness. They said that I should apply to their MA program. That I didn’t have the undergraduate background. Tell me, what is economics good for?

Really, it seems very little. I guess you need to have a research direction of some sorts if you want to apply to a PhD program. It’s not like I don’t have one, but mine is simply the entire canon. Reading “Perceptual Experience” yesterday made me feel as though there is hope for our world. Even though it was written in 2006. It is the cross section of various fields, the so called wicked problems that no one knows is there until you reach a little deeper into the void, that really get me.

Doesn’t feel like there is hope for me though. I’ve got to slog through how many more years of this? But then I think about picking back up my book about materialism and I’m surprised by how easy it is to understand the concepts, drawing from my “perceptual experience” (lol). Someday there will be ‘mental illness studies’ in major universities, ‘depression studies,’ ‘anxiety studies,’ and ‘schizophrenia studies.’ I’m sure of this.

The brain is too important to forget about.

We are afraid of the history that we have had with it, I think. Too afraid of what to do when someone has an ‘episode.’ It’s just not ‘sexy.’ Someday it will be, probably not valorized, but not shamed either. the best I can hope for is to progress, to wait for treatment, or even cure. I think it’s on the horizon, maybe 50 years off, but it’s there.

I’m probably going to avoid politics for the time being. Too many big machinations for me. I can deal with ideology, but violence is almost too much. I’m speaking of international news… Brute force requires scholarship, diplomacy, and an evenhanded attitude that I lack. As if we can ever forget about the many humanitarian crises that crisscross the globe. Haiti is just one more, it will sort itself out, even without Biden’s aid, which I think is a bad idea anyway… The people in Haiti need a minister to step in, restore order, give in to the protestor’s demands, and set up the next election cycle.

Shows you how much I know about that. I like riding solo, sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to write so much for my classes so I could spend more time here. I haven’t revealed that much of myself here to you yet, I think. Before I step back into my official duties discussing postcolonialism, antiracism, the governance, management, and communication styles of museums around the world, I want to leave you with something to think about.

I like writing here, it’s my muse. How would you feel if every day that I could, I reviewed a book chapter, a journal article, or a piece of news that came my way? I certainly read enough to do it. I’ll think about it.

Bye for now.

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